I’s been falsely accused and may need bail money. Mom came home from a business trip Tuesday and accused me of eating her paycheck. I did NOT eat her paycheck. First of all, that’s not possible… I doesn’t help open the mail anymore because it always landed me in timeout. On top of that, I’m like 95% sure that Mom gets her check on the internet because that’s where we go to pay all our bills on Fridays… I hasn’t even thought about gnawing on her computer.
I did eat my bed this week though… and it’s possible a few toys met untimely deaths when my friend came over. In my defense it was a new bed that Mom got to travel to horse shows and stuff. We took it to San Antonio and watched Kidd and then it came to daycare with me Monday night… but it was light and it was full of padding and I lovvvvve padding. She basically gave me the lollipop of puppy bedding. I used to rip up the carpet in spite of the timeout time so I could eat the padding – what did Mom think was gonna happen to this bed??? But that’s still not her paycheck. Plus, as far as I can tell, beds are free. We got to the store and pick out a bed, tell the people we’re leaving with it, and then they register it to our house with Mom’s card, and we go home. NONE of the internet bills we pay online are related to me.
Anyway, after the bed debacle, Mom started doin her taxies. She’s REALLY miffed that she can’t claim me as a dependent and just keeps fussing about how I eat her paycheck. According to her, I’s cost her thousands this year in “vet bills” and “dog food” and “daycare.” First… let me be clear, if we pay to go to the vet we’re getting ripped off. I should not have to pay for shots. Second, they give US cookies, we do not give THEM Benjamin’s – me and Brother is VIPs at the vet’s office and they wouldn’t dare charge us. Second, I’d be happy to eat human food with Mama but she insists on the crappy bagged stuff from PetCo, which we also DO NOT get billed for. Seriously, I help with the bills every week and the electric company, utility people, and Visa people are NOT associated with ME. On top of that… I cans shake! IF daycare is secretly billing us, Mom can just take me and Brother on her trips and we can close more deals for her. Not to mention that Big Brother is WAY more expensive than me and Brother… according those receipts (which I help pay) we get billed by the mile when he has to go someplace because he’s such a diva.
Since Mom was so frustrated with the IRS, I did some research. First, just speaking logically, I should be a dependent. Second, I think I might need to be a dependent so we can get a tax refund and I can be less fearful of getting sent back to the pound for chewing up my bed. Seriously though, I gots insurance, I depend entirely on Mama, AND Mom tells everyone that me and Brother is her babies. Google says the problem is that I don’t have a social security number… and I’m pretty sure mine is missing cause I was adopted. I searched my adoption file, but it’s not there… I think maybe it’s because we dunno who my Dad was. Maybe he kept it by accident when I went into the adoption program with Moka’s. Google says that only American Citizens can has social security numbers… but I was born here so I qualify. I was born at Arf House in Sherman, Texas to be precise – so I just gotta go ask about my social security card. I bet it’s just missing and they can petition the Uncle Sam person for a new one. Once I get that, I’ll be recognized as a citizen and I can be a dependent so Uncle Sam will give Mom a break. The problem is that Sherman is far… like Oklahoma far. I’m thinkin about asking Big Brother for a ride. I’ll see him tomorrow and we’ll talk. We could get there and back in a day and I bet I could get the Arf House people to let us rest if we needed to.